Knowing It Was You
by Spellcastre
Summary: SLASH AND SPOILERS! SamNick. Before Nick's return, Sam reminisces on his past with Nicholas Sayre.


Title: Knowing It Was You

Author: Spellcastre

Rating: …PG-13. Just to be safe.

Fandom: Abhorsen Trilogy!

Pairing: Sam/Nick! YES! SLASH! MWAHAHAHAHA!

Disclaimer: Garth Nix owns these characters, so don't sue me. Feel free to recommend me to the nearest asylum for the insane, though, if you really think I've lost my mind by writing this pairing. They'll probably decline.

A/N: I noticed that there was LACK of Sam/Nick in the Garth Nix section ESPECIALLY, and since I have always felt a connection between the two, I decided to write a really CRAP one-shot about them! And I hope I'm not alone on the Sam/Nick shipping. (I KNOW it was SORT OF IMPLIED that Lirael and Nick get together, and it's not like I hate that pairing, but I just like Sam/Nick BETTER.)

Summary: Between his death and his return, Sam reminisces on Nicholas Sayre.

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Nicholas Sayre had been dead.

It had been so obvious, and Sam had remembered how crushed he had felt. In fact, after the battle, he relived parts of his life. Just to remember. Most people would deliberately push memories of the ones they love after losing them. And love was love in its total when it came to how Sam felt about Nick. Romantically, sexually, physically, emotionally, and also like a friend. Which is why he welcomed all memories into his mind after the new binding and breaking of the Destroyer.

The gentleness that they had shared when they met for the first time. Their fast friendship. The fact that Nick seemed so clueless about so many things, yet seemed so wise at times had always intrigued Sam. It took awhile for them to realise it, but soon their friendship had developed far deeper.

Sameth remembered especially…

The one night when he had walked into the room only to see Nick sitting on his small bed, his hands shaking, his eyes wide and cast to the floor. Not wanting to disturb his friend, he had walked to his bed, directly across from Nick, and sat down. He kept his gaze forward, and just the same Nick's gaze didn't stray from the floor, which seemed so important suddenly, with the way the other boy was staring at it.

The silence had eventually begun to hurt. It seemed to actually have density, a thick cloud hovering between the two friends, each too afraid to speak. Each too afraid to possibly ruin something.

Finally, Sam got the courage to speak and banish the painful silence.

"Are you alright, Nick?" It was tentative, yes, but at least he had spoken.

"No. No, I'm not alright. I'm not alright because I always turn to you." Came the reply, slow at first, but then seriously sure at the end. Suddenly the floor didn't seem important to Nick's eyes anymore. He had turned and raised his eyesight to Sam's own eyes, where they met and held a brief moment of silence. Sam read the confusion hidden deep within his friend's eyes, and he wanted desperately to wash it away. But he couldn't say anything about his self-proclaimed over-affection to Nick. He didn't think it would have been right yet.

Until Nick spoke again.

"I should have known to find someone else I could talk to, so that when it became so hard to look at you without…without feeling…**something**, then I could HAVE someone to talk to."

"Something?" Asked Sam, almost uncertainly. He wasn't pushing, but he wasn't coaxing either. He was just a curious teenager, wanting to know if his friend felt the same way he did without saying it completely.

"Yes, something. Something more. I can't explain it, I don't…I don't want to explain it. But **damn it**, Sam! You always have that…that special gift. That special gift that makes me feel comfortable talking to you. No matter what situation I'm in! So at ease even when I'm trying to tell…"

Nick broke off. He had seemed so confident for a brief period when he was talking, and his eyes had totally lit up, but when Sam saw his mind click in, there was fear. Fear in the words left unsaid. Fear in what might come afterwards if the words had been spoken.

But Sameth had to know. He placed a comforting, firm hand on his friend's shoulder.

Then, a whisper came from his own mouth, to Nick, "Go on. Just pick up from where you left off."

Nicholas Sayre took a deep breath.

"…even when I'm trying to tell you that I **love** you. I **LOVE** you, Sam."

It so relieved Sam to hear it, but it pained him to see that Nick already felt betrayed just for saying it. Like he was uttering a curse, and that Sam could never care for him remotely the same way, or even as a friend after he had said it. Sam could tell that just by the look on the other boy's face. So he smiled gently to his friend, who's gentle gaze had averted, and brought their eyes together again by turning Nick's head with his index finger.

"In all ways of the word?"

Nick's hurt face lightened just barely, but nodded. "Yes, Sam, in all ways of the word."

The smile on Sam's face softened even more and, keeping his hand on Nick's shoulder, he briefly kissed the other boy softly on the cheek. There was a mental spark, suddenly, and they knew that these feelings, stretching beyond the boundaries of all sorts of love, were geniune.

Nick was the one to press his lips gently to Sam's when Sam pulled away from his cheek. But they both felt comforted, and they felt electric, and they felt alive.

Sam had recalled that memory first, after the Destroyer was once again bound.

Then, Nicholas Sayre had been dead. He was sure of it.

But Nick was standing in front of him now, as alive as ever. Sam didn't know who to thank for it, but he knew it was real, and he felt his heart soar as the other boy smiled at him once again.

"Hello, Sam."

Sameth felt a small tear come to his eye, but refused to let it fall.

"I missed you, Nick."

And so Nick embraced Sam, gently, lovingly. No one else noticed the feeling behind it all, only the two, and words were not needed in the brief period of time where they knew they had their second chance, and they wouldn't let go of each other this time.


End file.
